A WrestleMania Preview, But Only The Matches @Rick_City Cares About

WrestleMania is almost here! While I'm excited about it, I haven't watched WWE TV since the Royal Rumble. I've kind of kept up by reading results and watching clips on YouTube. That said, I'm not looking forward to seven hours of WrestleMania. I mean, I'm sure it will be entertaining, but I’m also sure that I won't watch all of it.

So this is a preview of the matches I actually care about.

Becky Lynch vs Ronda Rousey vs Charlotte Flair

This Man, WWE sure screwed up the obvious Becky vs Ronda feud, didn't they? When Becky won the Rumble, it was awesome booking and I was genuinely excited. She showed up on Raw and was like “I told you I’d come back to you, Ronnie” and it was the coolest thing in the world.

Then a bunch of nonsense happened and Ronda gave up her title and Charlotte got added to the match and I think I blacked out for a while. When I came to, Charlotte had the Smackdown title and they were all simultaneously being arrested like we had three Stone Cold Steve Austins. Then, for some insane reason, the dumbest cops in the world put Ronda and Becky in the back of the same car and they got in a Simpsons-style kick fight.

And then holy shit Ronda is driving the police car!?

I’m still not sure if that segment was awful or amazing. 

Having Becky and Ronda just be bad asses who hate each other would have been so much better. 

WrestleMania main events are always better when they’re one-on-one. WrestleMania 2000 should have been Rock versus Triple H, WrestleMania 20 should have been Triple H versus Chris Benoit, and WrestleMania 30 should have been Daniel Bryan versus Randy Orton. 

However, despite all of this, I’m still excited for the match. These three women deserve to main event the show and it should be an awesome match. And, remember:

Kofi Kingston vs Daniel Bryan

In any other year, this match should main event the show. Bryan has become an incredible heel, Kofi is incredibly over, and the storyline has actually been great. They’ve made the hero of WrestleMania 30 (who we all wanted to win) into the one man that none of us want to see win at WrestleMania 35. In fact, the story has been so great that I’m waiting for WWE to screw it up (which they likely will by having Big E turn and cost Kofi the match or something).

I get that a New Day split would be a big, emotional storyline that would set things up for the future, but, as a counterpoint, just let people be happy for once. The New Day has become a rare example of real friendship, which is incredibly rare for WWE. They’re not competitive with each other, they sacrifice for each other, they work together, and they do so not because they want glory, but because they are friends. They’ve truly become the positivity that they were originally marketed them as. The world is dark and shitty enough. Just let me have this, WWE.

Kurt Angle vs Meh

I'll say a positive thing first: At least Baron Corbin is a heel who acts heelish and gets booed for being heelish. Now that that’s out of the way, I’m angry at how terribly Angle’s WWE return has been booked.

I’ve written before that he’s one of my favourite wrestlers ever and he should be considered one of the greatest of all time. But since he’s come back, WWE wasted his in-ring return on a goofy Shield cosplay joke, then they had him have a surprise son, then he did basically nothing but look foolish, and now his final match is against possibly the least interesting guy on the roster. I’m pretty sure this is all punishment for him joining TNA because Vince McMahon is a petty jerk.

It won’t even be a good match and Angle will likely lose it.

Out of all the people on the roster that could have an epic final match with Kurt Angle (AJ Styles, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, even The Undertaker or Brock Lesnar) he gets Boring Bore-bin. (You can have that epic nickname for free, internet.)

I am fully aware that Angle is no longer anywhere near his peak in terms of in-ring performance, but neither was Ric Flair and he got to retire against Shawn Michaels. Even if, somehow, WWE saves us and has someone like Cena come out and replace Corbin, the damage has been done. The hype of Angle’s final match has been a dud.

Sigh.

Okay, rant over.

I'm sure the rest of the matches will be entertaining, and the wrestling will be good (as it usually is on PPVs), but I'm not super excited about any of it. I’m pretty sure the new rule is that the show is as long as its number, so enjoy 35 hours of WrestleMania!