Oh Yeah, WrestleMania is this Weekend!


I know what you're thinking "Why would I want to read a WrestleMania preview from someone who has barely seen any WWE shows in the last year?" Well, first of all, great point. Seriously. Good critical thinking. However, before you close this post and move on with your life, let me mention that there are A LOT of people who are in the same position. Along with the Royal Rumble (which I did watch), WrestleMania brings back a lot of lapsed fans each year. Since that's true (and I'm basing this argument almost entirely on speculation and anecdotal evidence, so you know it's true), doesn't it make sense to read a preview from someone who's in the same situation as the average WrestleMania viewer?

Yeah, see, it makes sense! So keep reading!

Anyway, enough justification. If WWE doesn't need to use logic in their storylines, I don't need a logical reason for writing this post. I've seen some YouTube clips, that's enough to catch me up! Here we go.

Night One

WWE Championship
Bobby Lashley (c) (with MVP) vs. Drew McIntyre

Let me start by saying that WWE did a great job with the way Lashley won the title. It really felt like a big deal, which is how someone winning their first WWE title should feel. But then... sigh... they broke up the Hurt Business...!? That seems like an insane decision to me. Maybe it's a swerve and they'll reunite to screw McIntyre out of the title? Maybe, but I feel like the point of this match is to give Drew McIntyre the title win in front of a crowd that he didn't get last year. 

Oh yeah, there's going to be fans. That's weird. 

Bad Bunny and Damian Priest vs. The Miz and John Morrison

I'm supposed to know who Bad Bunny is, right? Look, I'm an old man. I have no clue. Anyway, apparently he's done a great job both on TV and backstage, so I feel like he'll win here. 

WWE Raw Tag Team Championship
The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) (c) vs. AJ Styles and Omos

It really seems like this match was just thrown together so that AJ Styles could become a Grand Slam Champion, so my guess is that's what happens.

Steel Cage Match
Braun Strowman vs. Shane McMahon

For the love of God, please don't have Shane McMahon win and keep this going any longer. 

Anyone remember when Strowman was really over and he should have won the WWE title from Lesnar? No? Just me? Okay.

Cesaro vs. Seth Rollins

It would be nice to see Cesaro win here, but it's also just nice seeing him in a relatively high profile singles match, so anything else is just a bonus. Rollins probably wins because some heels need to win on this show.

Tag Team Turmoil Match
Winners receive a WWE Women's Tag Team Championship match on Night 2
Lana and Naomi vs. Dana Brooke and Mandy Rose vs. The Riott Squad (Liv Morgan and Ruby Riott) vs. Natalya and Tamina

I honestly have no idea. Maybe the Riott Squad?

WWE SmackDown Women's Championship
Sasha Banks (c) vs. Bianca Belair 

This is an interesting choice to headline the first night, but that doesn't mean it's a bad one. Both wrestlers deserve it and it's going to be a great match. There's no doubting that.

They're both very talented and very over and Bianca won the Rumble, so it makes a lot of sense to have them headline night one. However, on the other hand, the build has been really weak. They did the "rivals become tag partners/can they coexist?" angle with them, didn't they? That only works when Mick Foley is involved. The storyline could have been so much better.

I guess the build has been weak for most of the matches though. Sasha Banks remains awesome and Bianca Belair is definitely a future star, so it works. I'm looking forward to it. It should be a really good match and my guess is Belair wins. She deserves it and it's a great way to send the fans happy on night one. Having fans again is going to be weird.

Night Two

For the record, I like WrestleMania as two nights and wish it would stay that way. It's much better than having the crowd collapse before the main event of a seven-hour show.

WWE Raw Women's Championship
Asuka (c) vs. Rhea Ripley

I hope Rhea Ripley wins. She's great and she deserves it, especially after her nonsensical loss to Charlotte at last year's WrestleMania. I know Asuka has routinely been screwed as well, but Ripley's my pick.

The Fiend (with Alexa Bliss) vs. Randy Orton

This is just, like, a regular match? No wacky stipulation? No flames or anything? Odd. 

My guess is.... the Fiend? As long as they don't have any weird projections on the ring during the match, it should be fine. 

Nigerian Drum Fight for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Big E (c) vs. Apollo Crews

What the hell is a "Nigerian Drum Fight?" I guess Apollo Crews wins it because it's his stipulation? No clue, honestly.

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn (with Logan Paul)

Probably Kevin Owens, but I really don't know. Isn't this a great preview?

WWE United States Championship
Riddle (c) vs. Sheamus

Calling him just "Riddle" is still so, so stupid, but I feel like he'll win.

WWE Women's Tag Team Championship
Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler (c) (with Reginald) vs. Tag Team Turmoil winners

Again, no idea, sorry. Keep reading. 

Triple Threat match for the WWE Universal Championship
Roman Reigns (c) (with Paul Heyman) vs. Edge vs. Daniel Bryan

I always thought that Edge facing Roman was odd. Roman has had an awesome bad ass heel run and he should be beaten by a younger face who is ready to get a big push, but WWE doesn't do that anymore. I guess Edge beating him would have been a redemption story, but it still never really made sense to me. Adding Daniel Bryan makes more sense, since he's always super over, but it remains kind of odd. 

This is a tough match to pick, but I guess Bryan wins. WWE likes to send fans home happy and ending WrestleMania with the crowd chanting "YES!" will be a good image following a year without fans. Edge's return has been kind of underwhelming thus far, but maybe losing here will cause him to go on a really good heel rung himself.

And, speaking of the fans cheering, I really hope they don't cheer Roman Reigns. He's finally being the excellent heel that we all wanted him to be, so give him the respect of booing him. 

There have been a lot of awful things about the pandemic, but not having live crowd reactions allowed Roman Reigns to truly be a heel. If there were actual fans in the buildings, Reigns would have been cheered as soon as he started acting heelish with Heyman and it would have ruined everything. So boo him or Vince is going to get sick of fans entirely and just control the reactions himself until he dies. 

To be fair, crowd reactions are probably another reason Bryan was added to the match. It will increase the chances of Roman being booed since Bryan is such a big face.

But, honestly, just boo Roman Reigns. You booed him for years so you know how to do it. Just do it.

Enjoy the show! 

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